1997 revisited

Going back over past entries I came across one from 1997. Interesting to re-read. While at the time I had pagan spirituality, that aspect has shifted somewhat out of the neo-pagan and toward a different area that I am still exploring. What this area is is yet to be seen, yet looking at entries for the past couple years I see that the general direction remains the same though it appears that I move around. Like the grooves along the inside of a barrel of a rifle, a spiral. I would like to incorporate more outside knowledge. Upon my desk sits books on the history of statistics (and how it revolutionized science), romeo and juliet, a dictionary of philosophy and an intro to philosophy, a dictionary and thesaurus and an english usage and style book, four books on leadership, a book on Zen meditations, book one of the principles of psychology, Robert Frost poems, ethics for the humanist, a book on neurology, and the New York public library literary companion. I do not like to get too restricted in my interests and thoughts.

Here is another entry. I am soon to go to work, however I am standing on the threshold of a sea of ideas in my mind. I cannot really classify these thoughts or the images within, yet it is mystical. While I look out over the horizon in my mind I cannot tell more than a mere mist in the valley below. Even as I write this I realize that to use the word “look” is inappropriate and that what I really must do is feel. I have thought varying things about my splitedness in the realm of thinking and feeling. With no real advantage in either, I am subject to swing from one state to the other. Sometimes I will see things in an analytical light, other times in the light of compassion. But I realize that this is indeed a gift. For a man cannot live as the intuitive introvert, atop a mountaintop. Great may be the spiritual insight from this man, but what use is it if it cannot be applied to material reality? Also, great may be the scientist in the lab working complicated miracles, yet what is his/her work without the balance of spirit and the sense of “purpose”? Yes I am always seeking to understand that which is the great mystery, but perhaps in doing so it would benefit me to incorporate a greater sense of discipline and once again build my own character.

When I swam in the dark waters of ignorance, I glimpsed the shore. I saw that one could walk upon that shore, but one had to evolve, and to grow legs. I did so. When I began to walk upon the shore, a new world of ideas and emotions came upon me. It really is a different world. It is a more conscious world for there was no such thing in the water. As I drift around on the land, I look to the sky. I cannot explain the symbology I felt while I looked across the expanse of the Arizona desert. I made many parallels in my mind, yet I cannot really write them out. The ground seemed to be that which was me, yet the sky seemed to be that which I wished to obtain. Yet in both there were the Sun and Moon, the light and the dark, and both are realities of the total called Earth. I remember once how I had a curious feeling. I was deep in thought as I had traveled one idea to another, tangent to tangent, and was immersed in a provoking thought. So deep was I in my mind that I could not conclude any direction. There seemed to be no point of reference. But this is not that curious to me, it happens a lot and I know that many things are nothing but perspective and great changes in character are made when one changes the perspective. What was curious to me, however, was that I literally felt as if the thoughts I had passed through to reach my location deep inside my mind, were now outside of me, as the skin of an apple is relevant to the seed inside. But I felt that the thoughts, the energy of the thoughts that is, were floating around outside the exterior of my skull. I felt as though the physical boundary of my mind/brain had extended past the boundary of my physical/brain. I thought that I could literally reach out and grab a thought as it hung around my head. As I write this now, I am at once reminded of such things as ESP, Clairvoyance, Clairaudience, and a host of other possibilities as well as astral projection.

As I was writing earlier, I began to see that this world is the material. Logic rules this world and the left brain is king. The otherworld is the other half of existence, but I do not think that it can be reached by left brain logic. I believe that it can only be reached with that of the right brain, the intuition and the feeling functions.

If this is the realm of the gods, I ask if this is the realm of the archetypes. I am inclined right now to spurt out that the gods and the archetypes transcend both, yet I wish to know why and how. I think that image and symbology are methods to reach this realm. New age writers continually write that one must “attune” with something, yet I believe many to be a farce. A lot of what is written is psychobabble. Many of the things I have read are about as deep as chapter one of an intro to psychology book, and some of it inaccurate as well. But I must remember that all is perspective and as one psychiatrist put it, everything we do gives us clues to the nature of our selves. A lot can be learned from studying one’s religious and spiritual beliefs.

I have a word in my mind that will not leave. It has become stuck and the more I think about the otherworld, the more it shines. ‘That word is “quantum”. I have not read of anything which satisfies the question of what is gravity. Gravity is a physical, material phenomena which rules our material world. Yet, while it can be calculated with mathematics and formulae, it cannot be understood. In the writings of Stephen Hawking he writes of sciences desire for one unifying theory between relativity and gravity. Quantum mechanics is a great hope and is still being understood on newer levels. Yet there are exception which are very perplexing. I must admit that I am not equipped with the knowledge necessary to delve into the great riddles of astrophysics. Yet I can recall many nights of pondering over simple things like the speed of revolution of a planet around the sun, the opposites of attraction and centrifugal force on this rotation, the spinning of a planet, and so forth. From what I have read, the “Big Bang” theory is the most accepted theory to date. Yet it is still a theory and according to the rules of science it cannot be proven as the act itself cannot be duplicated or observed. All that can be done is a conclusion can be made based upon observances of current phenomena. Yet everything is perspective and I wonder what exactly may be different had our perspective changed in the last one thousand years.

The ideas of Newtonian mechanics in which there is the possibility of a static universe has been voided by quantum mechanics. Carl Jung said that “only the wounded physician heals” and this deals with the idea brought forth by the Celtic Druids that knowledge is gained through suffering. Jung wrote many things concerning this same idea. He said that it is unnatural to have change, that only through suffering would we grow and learn. But in common language, the facts of life are that life is suffering and change. So is it neurotic to wish for staticity? While Jung said that change is unnatural, is it instead true that change IS natural. How many psychological phenomena can be attributed for the refusal to change. It was said by Jung that “neuroticism is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.” I look on my white board on my wall and I see some of the three phrased Celtic verses of wisdom. One of which is the “three things which make re-birth necessary in a man.” They are: his failure to obtain wisdom; his failure to obtain independence; his clinging to the lower self. It is only natural to learn and to grow. Our children can learn a couple different languages while they are young and will make no mistakes. I have seen and heard of many children who were born in dual-ethnicity families and had to learn two languages. These children could accomplish what a learned adult would spend many painstaking hours trying to do. What we subject on the children is the idea that it is okay to stop. We have stereotypal images and we expect society to live by these standards. “Settle down and raise a family.” “Get a job and become a productive member of society.” These all have restrictions on them. When have you ever heard someone say to a child “be whatever you can be” and mean it literally.

It is late. The time is now 17:45 and I must be at work soon. My actions of getting ready and so forth have caused my mind to leave the thoughts I have expressed here and have now taken up those of the coming fray at work. I use the word fray because it is sometimes very much a fray with rude guest. So for now I shall end this entry and continue about my day.


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