BLOOD IN YOUR EYE

I am reviewing past writings and I’ve come across a review of The Communist Manifesto.

In reading the manifesto I am drawn to a schema of ideas that center around one premise. It is my understanding, though halfway through the manifesto, that the essential problem is not so much an oppression or class difference, but a diminishing of individual worth. It seems that Marx holds the notion that power corrupts and corrupt power oppresses. If we are to be done with corruption and oppression we need to be rid of power achieved from the abolotion of class structure. If there is no class, there is no power over any class, and there is no corruption and oppression. But it also seems to me that in the case of individual worth this is answered also by the psychology of the individual and it seems that Marx believes the psychology of the individual is determined by the situation of the individual. Perhaps I read it incorrectly, but it appears that Marx is somewhat of a behavioralist in regards to the motivation of personality and behavior and places supreme importance upon environmental influences. Common proletariat sentiment is the collection of individual sentiments connected as they are via a common class condition. It is the not the individual which acts but it is the collection of individuals which act as the power of the proletariat grows because of the process and demands of the machine that they feed.

Okay… so I am nolonger on the page that I was then… the insight is not there right now. My mind is elsewhere. Like, what changes can I make to shave my expenditures down as far as possible. The way things are going, rent for November will be damn tight and I don’t see anything on the horizon to afford me the opportunity to save for colllege. So December looks to be pretty darn dry as well and yet that is the time that I simply must come up with $600 minimum for college. Actually the amount may be more than that, but I can deal without textbooks at first if need be and buy them as I go. (other colleges have had textbooks in the library so I should do my studying there). One expense of mine is the gym, and should I become a student I can use the campus gym (really nice, with a rock climbing wall and raquet courts and all sorts of things). Another expense is the cable t.v., actually I don’t need the movie channel (starz)… all that I desire is my sports, my cartoons, my BBC and the Discovery channels. It would be nice to the the civilization and history channels… but I can live without them. I’ve got no car payments, no car insurance (which is a reason why my license is suspended) and actually… no car (the radiator has a hole in it).

I am figuring about $4,000 for three terms of school (tuition), $1,000 for books for three terms. $5,000. That comes out to $416 saved a month. That is almost half of what I made a month working at Divas ($550 was my bi-weekly paycheck). I can make this in a decent bar. I can also make a dent in this if I were to join the reserves as well. One weeked a month, two weeks a year, I know the drill… but still, the extra pay would help. But is there more I can get from it. I can make the money that I make on a reserve weekend at a bar, so why go back in? If not the Marines, then maybe the guard. No… I’m a Marine… it is too dear to me to change to a guardsman. Not that I really hold anything against guardsmen.

Okay, so I go to the other strip club and apply for a job. If nothing else maybe I can get a night or two as bouncer. I am not a big guy, I don’t overwhelm people with size or nastiness, but nevertheless I’ve been sucessful at handling a wide variety of situations in the past.

No stress, no defeatist attitude. I’ve seen tougher challenges than this by far. Perhaps my dad might help me with college… who knows what the future holds and I certainly cannot fault him for helping his son, whom he loves greatly (and worries way too much about). Yet I’ve not exhausted myself in my efforts, I’ve not given every ounce of energy that I can. Players often talk about “leaving it all out on the field”, where they give everything they’ve got, they’ve got nothing left after the game. I remember competition at the Marching Bands of America. It was the nationals in Pontiac, Michigan in the Silverdome. We sat in the “then” dressing room for the world champion Pistons basketball team and soon took our place on the field. We, Grenada High School marching band, considered by many to be a sleeping giant, were the #1 band in Mississippi, the #3 in the South, and that year we went on to becoming the #14 in the nation. If you watch any programs on drum and bugle corps you will see what we were capable of. Every last member of the band put his/her entire heart and soul into our performance, every note, every step, every breath. We missed making the finals round by less than 5/100th of a point. After our show we left the field and everyone was so drained, so exhausted from giving everything in them, we could only sit in the chairs for a while to rest. When we didn’t make the finals, many of us cried fiercely. There were no cool, popular, tough guys… everyone had wanted this championship more than anything. But we gave our all. That experience, that band, our travels to area, state, regional, and national competitions, our hard work and the enthusiasm that I saw by all the member (BLOOD IN YOUR EYE) has been the model in my mind for the dedicated organization. I’ve never been completely satisfied with a group’s performance unless it matches that of that high school band and no other organization in my experience around the world has had the collective effort and PASSION that that band did.

Its time to put blood in my eye.

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