Friday was “Another Long Day” post where I continued my search for a job, going all about the place. Instead of writing I watched the movie “Siege on Firebase Gloria“, one of my top 20 favorite movies. My favorite scene is when the Sgt Maj walks with the heads in his hands “I nolonger have any respect for Corporal ….”. Great. The movie is wonderful on more than one point. There are subtle themes moving behind all of the fighting.
I did the questionaire on LJ in an attempt to let the computer screen tire out my eyes. I had an early day before me and I needed sleep. So at 2:30 I went to bed. At 3:15 I got back up. I was unable to sleep a wink and I continued to think. My mind was moving over the question of socialism. But there is something else to the question. Besides the absolute position by socialists that all means of production be in the hands of the government, and capitalism that production be in private hands, I wondered at the deeper philosophical stances. What is it that makes one lean from one to the other? Why should the steelworker, or the fruit picker care if he works backbreaking work for one rich white guy, or for a government beuracracy? I leaned over and turned on my lamp near the bed and reached for one of the several books near my bed. “The Good Society”, a book with many many essays from all manner of people on the best form of society (poets, writers, artists, political activists. I read Leo Tolstoy’s exerpt “A Natural Society Based on Labor” taken from his “What Shall We Do”. Then I read William Morris’ two letters “From Class to Personal Relations”.
I turned out the light and closed my eyes. The problems were still in my mind and since I know that I have the propensity of staying awake all night in thinking, I decided to give myself a fantasy to think about. I had to substitute thoughts of one form with another and I hoped that something without problem thinking would require less of my brain and so I’d go to sleep. What fantasy though? A brief list of women crossed my mind, but instead I went to something else… money. Money is a large area of concern at the moment and I set myself up with the situation. My book is finished and is snatched up by a publisher and I make $50,000 from it. What do I do?
What to do with $50,000 dollars. First there were temporary things, such as a trip to Chicago or to take time off to go see my family. But I wanted something in my everyday life, here in Eugene. I imagined going to the store and buying clothes, needed clothes. Then I bought an old Mustang. My mind went through various buy this and buy that, from dinner at a restaurant with the beautiful blonde at the corner market nearby, to a good coat… but then it began to settle down. My imagination had moved past the first day of getting money and into the next days. I lived in the same apartment because I didn’t see the need in moving unless I was moving into a house and I didn’t want to move to a house just because, I wanted a specific sort of house and that would take more money and more writing to produce such money. So I lived in the same apartment but I had furniture. I had paid for the entire year’s worth of rent, as well as putting down a double security/cleaning deposit. Because of this I had all the walls painted different colors and each room was furnitured in clean, sparse, open furniture. I am a big fan of Shaker furniture. I had all of the things that I had written of a couple of entries ago. A laptop computer, an Apple, the fastest one the store had. And so my mind had me writing on my computer laptop at area coffee shops. But what to do for work? I knew very well that if I did not have work, then my involvement with other people would be nill (I’m a hermit), and so I kept up a bartending job at a nearby restaurant. I also went to college and paid for tuition and started class. And I also set up fliers on campus looking for people from several disciplines who wanted to start up a business. I wanted people studying business who wanted to actually start something, artitists and writers who wanted to contribute to it, and I supplied a portion of the costs. Of course we still had to go around looking for funds, but I started the ball rolling. I cannot remember what business we were starting… a website I think. But the idea that played in my mind the most, and of which I gained immense satisfaction from, was the kids.
In my fantasy I had went to the local hospital to the ward where the kids were at. I imagined going to the movie theater and talking to the manager, paying the hourly wages, license fees, and all so that they would bring the movie projector and set it up in the cafeteria, all so that the kids who didn’t leave the hospital could watch the new Harry Potter movie. I even imagined calling different parents to make sure that it was okay their kid to see the movie. I wanted either all of the kids to go or none because I didn’t want one to feel left out. I kept it all a secret because I didn’t want the other kids to not like one because his parents kept Harry Potter away from them. I also imagined paying a group of volunteers to help in painting several hundred easter eggs for an easter day egg hunt. I imagined paying for a farmer with his horses to give a hay ride at Halloween. I imagined bringing in clowns and mascots, books for them to read, even taking a terminally ill kid and his parents and sibling to Disney Land. Then I scratched that idea and flew them out to the bigger Disney World.
How cool would that be?
But I couldn’t go to sleep. At 5 I decided to hell with it all and got up. I cooked sausage and eggs and watched Ground Force and Changing Rooms on t.v. Then with a little over an hour until work I took off. I stopped by a gas station and bought a cup of coffee and three snickers bars for fuel. Then I walked along the river all the way to Autzen Stadium. I enjoyed the walk immensely, watching as the sun finally peeked from behind the distant Cascade Mountains. The day was cold, but pleasantly so. I was early at the stadium so I walked a bit into the Alton Baker park before hand. Later I signed in, got my shirt and coat and put them on. Wearing three shirts in my black jeans, unfortunately they were too tight (I like loose fit) which hugged my butt and thighs too much, and because of this (and the three sirts tucked around the waist) I think that my circulation suffered and as such, I got colder.
I was baggage check again. The concern was for weapons, but primarily for beer, cans and glass. So I worked at it to get people in. With kickoff soon, the line was still very long, we rushed our checking. We could hear the crowd in the stadium go nuts, and the fog horn blew, twice early one. The ducks were ahead 14 to zip. But that was all. No other blasts from the horn. The sun came out once for five minutes and it looked great, but the clouds rolled in quickly and it rained a little. At the end of the third quarter people started to leave. The tide picked up halfway through the 4th quarter and I, nolonger on baggage check, was walking around the front shouting “don’t leave, the fat lady hasn’t sung yet” and I was told that the fat lady had already sung, the game was a lopsided beating. Well, obviously those people leaving the stadium have no notion at all about support. It is fine and dandy to root for your team when it is winning and wear the shirts. But let me see you when the team is losing, or in a losing season. That is why I despise bandwagon fans, people who root for whomever is winning at the moment. My Bears are losing a lot this season, but still I am a Bears fan. Perhaps it takes a Cubs fan to get the point across. I was off my shift in time to go in and sit down for the last five minutes of the game. I sat down in one of the higher priced seats near the 50 yard line. The score was 42 Washington, 14 Oregon. The Huskie offense could have easily scored another touchdown. They were on the 5 yard line and took a knee twice. What was neat about this game was that the Washington band was in the stands, next to the Oregon band. The stands at that end of the field were filled with purple, three times the amount of other games that I’ve seen. Those fans went wild! When the game ended, the team rushed the field and danced in the center then they made it to the endzone and joined the cheerleaders. All of them were in front of the Washington Band and those guys wents nuts. I’ve watched our band in the stands, a few games, and they did play the Oregon fight song as our team left the field, but I hope that they watched carefully the Washington Band… that was a band. Their energy in playing, their energy in the extra moves, all of it… showed the heart. I loved the band. I’m a band geek myself and those who know me will know that I will pit the heart, energy, character, and drive of the band that I played in, the hours of practice and dedication we gave to accomplish our goals in competition, against ANY one in ANY field of endeavor. This band was great. I hope the Oregon band watched. The washington band played some great songs, their drum corps went nuts, and the waves moving through the ranks were great. They did the song “tequila” where every husky fan in the stands joined in the singing. Then they played “Louie Louie”, perhaps a jab to the Ducks and the city of Eugene, and everyone in the band and the stand sang “Louie Louie… oh oh… we gotta go now”. They played more songs and the players, cheerleaders, and some fans, all danced in the endzone. It was great to see. Yes, I would prefer that the Ducks have won, but regardless of who won, I am happy to see the excitement. It would have been much worse of a defeat, and a game in particular, if the Huskies had won and simply left the field for the lockers and then the buses. I sat in the stands and watched the last five minutes of the game, my Bears jacket and Ducks hat soaked in the rain (I had brought no rain gear) and enjoying the sights of the stadium. The waves of rain cascading through the sky, the lights, the grey sky, everything.
Then it was a walk home. It had been a long as day and I had already been awake for 26 hours, already wet, and I wanted to go home. So I walked in the fashion of a military hump, where you’ve got a lot of miles to go and a lot of weight on your back. Swing your arms and take long strides, lower your hips, and keep a good breath. I passed people left and right as I made my way home. Caring little for my appearance I just kept up a good pace. It was easy enough.
At home I checked my mail and noticed that I got a new package in. What was this? I had paused my movie and coffee subscriptions. But it was a special seasonal coffee that I had said yes to weeks ago. Gevalia makes “Royal Vinter” Swedish coffee and it is automatically sent to subscribers. Okay. Money was tight, worse than that, but at least it was for coffee. Since I had the coffee, it was already paid for by credit card, and I knew that it was likely maxed out now (a low dollar limit fortunatley).
I tried to stay awake and so I stayed away from books and the computer. I looked for a movie and saw “The Professional”. I love this movie. I looked at the young Natalie Portman and marvelled at the kid on the screen and how she would turn into a beautiful woman. But no pedaphile thoughts however. Though I think Natalie gorgeous, it was a kid on the screen before me. But I couldn’t stay awake, I kept waking up and fell asleep really good when Matilda shoots the senator with the paintball in the park.
The alarm was set for 6 am, so I went to sleep. I’d get about 11 hours. Good. I fell asleep fast. I awoke a couple times in the night, seeing that it was still dark I didn’t give myelf time to wake up, but instead trying to go back to sleep. I have a stand up fan near my bed which I use for background noise. I woke up once, looking driectly at the fan and it appeared as an old hag bent over me with her greedy little fingers. I yelled. The next second I realized it was fan and laughed at my dumbassed self as I rolled over and went to sleep. The alarm went off and I turned it off, going back to sleep. Up at 9 I am watching football and about to make some coffee.