Sunday and I slept my ass off. I had a notion of going to see Star Trek Nemesis, but decided not to do so yesterday, instead spending the $5 on something else (food). I thought of doing that today but decided not to. Perhaps I’ll wait until the movie gets to the dollar cinema. If I am going to splurge on one movie, it is going to be on Two Towers.

I slept through the entire day. I had toyed with the notion of going to the Unitarian Universalist church today. I didn’t. But I would like to go to the Christmas service. I remember fondly the UU church in Houston. I loved that church and as distant of a person as I am, as cautious in actually joining a social group (I’ll jump in and volunteer, then withdraw completely), I had made the church my church, and the giving of tithes to the church was an important part of my budget. The sermons were absolutely wonderful. I remember the water ceremony (held yearly) where I poured water from the bar that I worked at into the collection jar. My story was that I had finally gotten a job and the water was from that job. Stories of other people were from vacations, gyms where they started to workout at, all sorts of “meaningful” storires. When Christmas time rolled around I went to the service. I love Christmas, but I do not celebrate it for the Christian reasons (as I am not a Christian) but enjoy its social aspects. There was a new worker at the restaurant and I asked her if she wanted to go to the service with me. It was held Christmas eve night. We sang songs and listened as Gail Weaver, the assistant minister, give the sermon. In typical Unitarian Universalist manner, the notions of god were taken out of the story. The story of Jesus wasn’t the story of a god come to earth. There were no miracles of angels and such. Instead the miracle was this… that a family in poverty, having to stay in a manger, gave birth to a son, and that son followed his heart and changed the world. That is the miracle, that it is Christmas whenever a new child is born, that every life has potential. I’ve been to the Eugene UU church once. It was about a month, I think, after Kim had died. There was a time at the end when several people got up to the front to tell something of themselves. I had gotten up and said hello, that I was from Houston and was active in the church there. But it ended at that because I began to cry, remembering my friend Kim and I told everyone of her recent death and how much I missed her.

About five nights ago I was lying in bed, flipping through a stack of books and I opened the Unitarian Universalist Pocket Guide, given to each new member before the rest of the church in Houston when they make a commitment to the church. When I opened the little book, the invitation to Kim’s wake fell out. It has a black and white picture of her smiling on the cover and inside was the location and time of the “party” celebrating her memory and life. I didn’t go. I didn’t know anyone else, and I was still dealing with the grief. In fact, even now as I write this I can’t help but cry.

I slept the entire day, getting 10 hours of sleep. Getting up I walked to Cornicopia, the wine and bottle market. I went for a walk, the light fading fast from the already dark day, on the mission for milk. I picked up some milk and two bottles of beer, both seasonal beers, one from Fish Tale Brewery called Winterfish (when you fish upon a star) and the other is from the New Belgium brewing company (I love their black ale) called Frambozen, a raspberry brown ale. It doesn’t sound like a seasonal ale, but I’m sold on the picture of the wreath on the label (grin).

Tonight I am cooking the turkey roast (two hours in the oven), drinking two seasonal beers, watching holiday specials on the t.v., reading some light readings, and just enjoying the night. I wish I had my Christmas music CDs I’ve got two snoopy cd’s, an Ally McBeal Chistmas CD (really good) the classic rudolph and frosty songs of the t.v. shows cd, the grinch, and a jazz one. I loaned them to a friend a month and a half a go and she still has them. I know her well enough that if I were to even hint at wanting them back that she’d feel really bad and probably torture herself on the matter. I’ll skip the music this year. I think I might have a classical music cd with christmas choral music on it someone anyway. Besides, I’ve got the internet.


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