I slept late today. I was tired. Last night was a long night, the girls were in a bad mood because business was slow and we had the usual number staffed for a Thursday night. Toward the end of the night we got some business, though, and a couple girls made up for it a little. I am generally very good at seperating work and pleasure, and 99% of the time I can view a naked girl quite harmlessly. However, I am a mortal, and there is one girl who’s legs are more than amazing, and yes… I became quite flabbergasted, repeatedly. She picked up on it and would perform some sexy moves on the stage and give me a playful smile. Instant arousal! But today with the light of day I am attacking this in my mind. I will not let this live, it cannot live in my mind. It jeapordizes everything, my integrity, my professionalism, my judgment. As I walked home last night, I was able to observe the deep, almost hiding, shadow of jealousy (she had went home with a guy). All the more reason to cut out this feeling now. I recognize this as purely physical attraction. It is the legs… a weakness of mine. It is overcome easily enough, for most of our desires are grasped onto more by ourselves than they are of us. I must simply let go.

I got the new Franklin Covey catalogue and they have the Bally fitness pages. They look great (though Bally is the anti-christ) and when I went to the website it wasn’t offered. I called the catalogue and they said that it was out of stock, as was the leadership module that I used. We went through a couple of modules until I finally rested on the Spirit of America module. I hope that it has some sort of substance to it, and isn’t just shallow grade school patriotism. Don’t get me wrong, anyone who knows me knows how patriotic I am. Yet I am patriotic because of Mark Twain is an American. And given the failings of Bill Clinton, some words of his during his innauguration speech still ring true for me. There is nothing wrong in America that can’t be fixed by what is right with America.

The day before, Jan 1st, I spent in a coffee shop and wrote a quick, heated 10 pages concerning the environment after briefly recalling a small waking dream I had the night before while sitting at home with my wine and feeling quite buzzed. In my mind I envisioned one of the usual public input sessions the forestry service holds when they sometimes make a drastic change in policy. In this scenario in my mind I attacked both positions, of cutting the forests for profit, and the American notion of setting aside wilderness areas where one couldn’t breath in. I attacked the idea of a compromise between the two notions because they were both flawed.

I do not have time to go into it today, perhaps tomorrow I’ll transcribe the 14 pages (short pages) from paper to web. Right now I’ve got to go to the gym, workout, come home and shower quickly and make it to work.


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