I am bothered. I had to get onto a girl tonight and I am going to have to take some shifts away from her. I am bothered by this. The girl in question has had a hard life thus far and she is in a state of flux currently, sometimes she is doing good, trying to get things in order, sometimes she is sliding into her destructive habits. I see in her a person in a crossroads and I want to help her help herself. Yet I am going to have to dicipline her and I have the fear that when I do it will only drive her to the wrong path. Tonight she walked out with all the maturity of a three-year old. A person that I’ve been giving little notes saying how good a job she is doing, walking up to her and giving her a hug and a kiss on the forehead telling her how proud I was she was doing well, a person who I’ve focused my attention on what she is accomplishing and not what she is failing in. And she acts in the manner that she did tonight. I am disappointed… and worried.
Published by Eddie
I was born in Arkansas and graduated high school in Mississippi. I joined the Marine Corps in 1989 and travelled the world for the next five years. From 1994 until 2004 I lived in California, Arkansas, Texas, and Oregon, going to different colleges (UAM, UH, UO, PSU) trying to 'follow my bliss' and live a life. In 2004 I joined the Oregon National Guard and deployed to Iraq. I recently completed two degrees (psychology and philosophy) at Portland State. I currently work as an infantry instructor, a cofacilitator with a domestic violence group, and a military culture consultant with a psychology research department. I intend to go to grad school and further my psychology training. My interests are of what makes a life worth living, what makes people flourish, what gives us hope after trauma, how do we continue to go on instead of giving up, how do we build good relationships, how do we 'live'? These have been central questions of my own for decades. My interests are what seem to be as diverse as ecology and environmentalism (politics, ethics, biology) to gender studies (masculinity, gender roles, schemas and scripts) to trauma and resilience (PTSD, depression, anxiety, anger issues, domestic violence). Yet I would argue that they are not diverse but really interconnected, related and influential to each other. My writings here are usually as it comes to me. Here and there are a paper that I turned in to a class or the like. But for the most part these are my wrestling with ideas and emotions. As such there are contradictions and changes and failings as well as insights and triumphs. View all posts by Eddie