Four a.m., Sportscenter is on the t.v. and I’ve got a car insurance website on the computer. I’ve got to call and get the VIN number of the truck I am looking at getting. It might go down this weekend… I want to try for it. It is true that I’ve been busier than usual in the bar (our sales were up a good bit tonight in part to the liquor sales) but the real reason that I am wanting to get a vehicle NOW is Eliza.
She is great. Sure, the first time that I saw her I thought she was really HOT. I made a comment to a friend that if she had a brain then I’d be all over her. Imagine my surprise when I got a chance to actually sit down and talk with her for a moment she showed me a brain behind that beauty. My interest was sparked, but I never did anything about it. I thought that my attraction to her was not noticed, but she eventually noticed it and she made a move on me first. I was not expecting it at all and when it happened I was speechless. We eventually made out several times before spending the night together. At first we just acknowledged a physical chemistry between us and left it at that. But we’ve made out three times and have spent the night together three times as well and we are going to do something wednesday day before I have to go to work. Each time that I see her I get more comfortable, more giddy, and there are beginning to appear questions of “what if”. What if things continue the way they are… will we make a go of things? What if after she leaves Eugene and moves to Eastern Oregon in a month we both still want to see more of each other… will I go see her and will she welcome me? What if… what if.
Contrary to the recorded history within a stack of journals, I am not analyzing this to death. I don’t want to do so now. I don’t want to make this into something this is not, or limit something that might be by over analyizing everything. So I’ll try to describe just the state that I am in currently. That is that I am looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. I will constantly remember a moment when we were together and I’ll smile to myself. I’ll act like a dork and while someone is chiding me for being a dork, I’ll smile and remember that she likes me as a dork. That makes me feel good. The way I feel right now I would want to see her off to Eastern Oregon. The way I feel right now I’d like to go out to Eastern Oregon on my first day off to see her. I find myself thinking if she’d like a certain flower, song, or place for a picnic. I remember her eyes while I kissed her and I wrap the memory in an embrace in my heart.
I need to go to bed, but I have this feeling… like I am going to bed on Christmas Eve because tomorrow is my only opportunity to really be with her until the weekend, and I don’t consider it a automatic given that we’ll spend time together (she might have plans, or I might have to go to Medford to pick up a vehicle -I guess she could come with me eh?)… so I am in anticipation of tomorrow even though it will be only a few hours.
It is now 4:13 and I really need to get some sleep. 10:00 am will come too damn early if I want to get a gym workout and do some much needed laundry so that I will have some amount of time to spend with her tomorrow.