Saturday day and I slept late. Today is the first day that I actually woke up and felt good since Wednesday. The hours at the club and lack of sleep have effected me. The good news is that I don’t have to DJ at the club. I am a horrible DJ and I feed off of the crowd. A poor crowd or no crowd and I am horrible. A good group or a good vibe and I am a nutcase. It is a weekly occurence when someone will come up to the DJ booth and tell me “I come in here partly because of the interesting color commentary”. I get bored off of my ass saying things like “okay, the next lovely lady on the stage is so and so, take care of your bartender who is working hard for you and tip out these girls…. blah blah blah”. Just shoot me. How many times will a person go into a club and hear the DJ ask a girl if she’ll run away with him to Canada to start a chihuahua farm? Or promoting the nude skydiving team (there is none) or mention complain that I’ve lost my beloved gerbil and that I am offering a reward to anyone in the club if they find it… only to exclaim loudly that I’ve found it when a dancer walks up into the DJ booth. Yes… I am a freakin idiot.

A week of sunny weather, temperatures rising into the 80’s, and today it is low 70s and overcast. Beautiful day to sit on my balcony and read. But I can’t because I had errands to run today after getting up (responsibility is a bitch sometimes), stopped by the pet store and got some fancy dental care cat food for my little girl (and some new toys for her too!), some cleaning supplies, shampoo and deoderant. Now at home I’ve been trying to clean up this mess of an apartment. It has fallen apart in the last week and I finally got to where I can see the floor. I don’t like a messy place. It is never spic and span, there is dust and marks on the carpet and such, but I like everything put away neatly at least.

I am behind in my books… seriously behind. I’ve bought a ton of new books from various book clubs such as The History Book Club, the Scientific American Book Club, the Reader’s Choice Book Club, the Quality Paperback Bookclub, and recently the One Spirit Book Club. Some new books that I’ve not found time to read but which are calling my name from a large stack on the couch are:
To America (from Stephen Ambrose… looks good)
The Laws of Money, The Lessons of Life by Suze Orman
Anna Karenina, a big one from Leo Tolstoy
Lectures on Shakespear
A Small Treatise on the Great Virtues
(a book on the guy that has a prominent spot in three major faiths)
A Life in Science (autobiography on Stephen Hawking)
Time Travel in Einstein’s Universe
The Greatest Mystery in Physics
Three Roads to Quantum Gravity
Blue Latitudes
(about Captain Cook’s sailing around in the South Pacific)
The Metaphysical Club (history of ideas in shaping America?)
The Prophets (from a conservative writer, looked interesting)
The Universe in a Nutshell (Stephen Hawking)
A Brilliant Solution (the story of the making of the Constitution)
The Mists of Avalon
Priestess of Avalon
The Multi-Orgasmic Couple
(yes… Eliza is a big influence on this selection)
Hidden Connections (Frijof… looks like my cup of tea!)
The Future of Life (Ed Wilson… I think… biologist from Alabama… I think… about species extincion)
The Blank Slate (saw this one in Borders one day and hated to put it back… neurology and human nature)

Oh my freaking god… I’ve got a lot of reading to do! (grin). I seriously need some bookshelves… the ones that I have now have long been filled up, three tall stacks of book are in the bedroom (approx 30 inches high each one)
a stack on the t.v., a row on my desk, two stacks on the side of the desk, a stack next to the couch, and two stacks on the couch. A rough geuesstimate of about 364 books on everything from yoga to Jung, bird watching to U.S. history to Walt Whitman to ecology from neurology to zen and lots of other topics. I probably have at least two dozen books loaned out to people I can’t even remember, have given books to people such as when a woman I met was having a hard time dealing with her mother’s cancer I gave her my copy of Terry Tempest William’s Refuge… a MUST READ for any woman who has experienced cancer in her family. I love books! I probably need to buy the tall type of bookshelf, the sort with six or seven shelves on it. At about 360 books, average out 20 books a shelf, 6 shelves a unit, I need three units. Woo hoo.. that would look great! That would take up a large spot on the wall in my living room.

Such a beautiful day today. I am drinking an americano I whipped up in the kitchen. I pick up my vehicle on Wednesday. It has a leak on the manifold and the mechanic will not be back until Tuesday. It is bought and paid for by my boss, costing about $1100. It is an 86 Isuzu Trooper, the finalist of a long search for something that fit my list of requirements. I told my boss that what I wanted was something that I could take into the mountains up a dirt road and not worry about breaking down or getting stuck. I didn’t really care about the paint job, didn’t really care about the interior much, and as far as as stereo or such is concerned… I can sing to myself. Paint, stereo, and upholstery will not get you off of a mountain after dark in 20 degree weather. So after looking at a long line of vehicles we finally settled on this one. It is in good shape for being an 86, the engine is solid, and it has a trailer hitch on it (I am already thinking of buying a boat now). I can stow my camping gear in there quite easily, pack another person (I have a certain gorgeous woman in mind) and head out onto an old logging road someplace away from everyone and making a memory. I was told by my boss man that this is my bonus and that I’ll be needed to put in a few more hours the next three months. I looked at him with raised eyebrows and said “shit… you want me here on every shift?”, saying to him basically that I am already here a lot to begin with… 55 hours a week. No, just to make sure everything is being taken care of. Well, I’ve been trying to do that now. I imagine this means added food runs and supply runs and bank runs. All of which should be no sweat to do now that I am mobile. Speaking of mobile, my friend wrightbooks has been an angel letting me borrow her car for the past week. There is simply no way I’ve could have done my job at the level I needed to via the bus.

Now to Eliza. She is in Hawaii still and I talked to her a little a couple hours ago. She told me about her experience trying to bodyboard and how beautiful it was on the beach and more. She sounded so animated on the phone. I am so happy that she is having a good time. She told me about the wedding, how beautiful it was, that it was filmed by a t.v. crew. It seems that the bride and groom, recently seen in a short paragraph in People magazine, met via a t.v. dating show. Eliza told me that the wedding was amazing, that she was the only one crying. That made me smile deeply. That confession from her tells me a lot about her… that she isn’t afraid to be the only one to cry or to express emotion, and that she has romantic currents within her, that she appreciates aesthetic beauty as well as the associated meanings with such. She has repeatedly told me that marriage is something that is a far away alien concept to her mind, but I suspect that she hold the concept of marriage to be different than just the end of a progression of dating or a level of finding a person to be comfortable with. I suspect she views marraige as a state of being, of sharing with another person, a deepening and complexiting (new word) of one’s life with that of another. At least this is my impression, or perhaps it is my own thoughts and feelings projected onto her behavior, for this is certainly how I feel about marriage. Marriage for marriage is, for me, stupid. For some types of people it might be okay, but for me it isn’t good enough. I need more, I must have more. There must be something there between us, a level of experience in our lives to where the name or title of marriage seems moot and redundant. Back to the point… what kind of girl isn’t afraid to be the only one to cry at what she describes as “the most beautiful wedding I’ve ever seen”? I can’t answer this question thorougly, I am still learning about her, but I know this… she is filled with beauty. She is a very sensual person also, an aspect that I used to be but after long bouts between girlfriends and when I had one it didn’t last long, I’ve gotten used to little physical contact. Now I’ve waken up with her every morning for a month, have taken showers with her, have simply sat next to her and snuggled while watching a movie. I can’t help but laugh… because when I am with her I don’t have the urges to read books that I do when she is away from me. I laugh and wonder if perhaps I’ve somehow rerouted my sexual energy into books and as I pause to look around my room at the stacks of books here and there I laugh even more. But it’s to the gym for me (even if it means leaving her in bed… I must do it… willpower damnit!) for vanity reasons, for health reasons, and to promote testosterone (so I can return to the bed). It does cross my mind now and then that I am a full ten years older than her, and so I pushed myself to run up the Skinner Butte yesterday, telling myself that I had to be in better shape than the 23 year old guys around me. Is this the beginnings of the male mid-life crisis? I’m too young to have a mid-life crisis! Damn it! (grin)

I must end this entry now… for I still have a bit of cleaning to do and it looks like I’ll not be afforded an opportunity to read on the balcony today. Oh well… tomorrow is Sunday and I have the day off (hopefully) and it is likely that tomorrow I’ll go to Mt Pisgah (its been too long), will read some, and will get a tanning appointment in.


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