I picked Eliza up at the airport and we drove home to Eugene. We made love and then took a nap… a perfect start to a great day. Waking up in the late afternoon we got up and ran some errands, had her pictures in Hawaii developed and I offered to go out to eat. We sprung for the Olive Garden.
En route to the restaurant a white trans am rode my butt, then made an illegal and hazardous passing move in a turning lane and had to duck out because another motorist was going to make a turn. There were two lanes and the driver could have used the other lane but was instead acting like a psycho and endangering people’s lives. He riled my anger and when he pulled up even with me, yelling and making noises from his car my adrenaline pumped up and I started to roll down my window. I wanted to pull over into the parking lot with this over-sized fat-ass and kick his ass. I started to lean out the window and tell him to pull over, which he would have done, when I heard Eliza say “please don’t do this” and like a switch I turned off my attention to the psycho and back to her, rolling up my window and driving away. Eliza said that she was impressed with how I could turn off the anger like that and I told her that it was easy, that she was more important to me than he was.
We arrived at the Olive garden and the waiter sold me on a bottle of cabernet and we chose our two dishes and drank wine and talked while we waited, sitting on the same side of the booth. Eliza had told me on the phone before arriving back home that she was wanting to move to Hawaii for several months, that if she didn’t do this now she’d likely never do it in her life. I found myself missing her already, before she ever stepped foot off of the plane. I had all day with her, organizing my thoughts, and when I sat with her at the table, I told her how I felt. I was okay without her, didn’t feel depressed while she was gone, but I found myself wanting to share things with her and thinking of her now and again. I told her that I would indeed miss her when she went to Hawaii, but that if that was what she really wanted to do, how could I want anything else for her? I wanted her to dare, to believe, to reach out. What else could I hope for somebody that I loved… for them to have the courage to follow their dreams and their heart. I told her that I loved her and wanted her to do what her heart yearned for, that perhaps she’d meet a surfer guy, perhaps I’d meet a woman, perhaps perhaps perhaps… that I didn’t want to live today holding back, waiting for a tomorrow that might never come. I wanted to express what I felt today, this moment, this hour, and in this hour I am with her. She would make it to Hawaii because I’d be her motivation coach.
Tears welled in my eyes while I told her this. Tears welled in her eyes as well. This and the effects of the red wine were amazing. This moment was a perfect moment, a moment of absolute peace and balance and beauty. We kissed, we toasted to her going to Hawaii, and later we toasted to a thought that she couldn’t express yet but could feel it. She told me that she’d tell me the thought when she could express it in words.
I kept the empty bottle for sentimental reasons.