coyote wonders if God has an asshole

I was sitting in Barnes and Nobel yesterday while my baby was next door shopping for clothes. I was trying to get some studying done, I’ve got a big test wednesday, and was re-reading Spinoza. Note, I’ve been a big Spinoza fan and I didn’t learn anything new in class when we covered Spinoza. I was also familiar with Descartes, Hobbes, Locke… though I had yet to read any Berkeley or Leibniz. Preparing for the test I am re-reading all of the philosophers and I have found that my enjoyment of the material has increased exponentially! What a joy it is to sit in a coffee shop and read The Leviathan, whereas when I first skimmed portions of the text a few years back it was for mainly political reasons (sames as the motivation for Hobbes to write it though).

anyway… I stray.

I was reading Spinoza’s Preposition 15, “whatever is, is in God, and nothing can be conceived without God”. When I read the scholium that follows where Spinoza writes of people imagining a corporeal, human body for God (and how absurd this is), my inner coyote, who had been napping for a while now, perked his ears up and yawned and stood up.

Blasphemy begged to be released (and still does). My nephew (step nephew, but I’ve known him since he was a kid in diapers) is in college on the East Coast studying to be a Baptist minister. I want to email him and ask him if God sits on a throne? Is there a throne in Heaven that God doth take his seat? Aside from other questions such as does God have a bedroom, a snack bar, office hours, etc… my question was, if God has a throne, and if God sits on that throne… then God must necessarily have a butt.

I think you know where I’m going with this.

If God has a butt… does he have an asshole?

What comes out of this almighty asshole?


No really. Aside from the joke… it is a serious question. If the fundies tell me that we are made in God’s image (forget other interpretations of this line… but only that God is in human form (why is the holy spirit a bird and not another human?)), I seriously wonder if God has an asshole.

Why would God need an asshole?

Why would humans need to have one installed if God doesn’t have one?

Seriously now… if there is one thing that is continually fucking things up in this country, it is this whole God thing. How can we be a nation of people who watch the Sopranos and porn, and yet still profess that we want to elect the candidate that is a “God-fearin man”, that the foaming at the mouth fundies would have you believe that we are a nation of Christians, and yet we, as a society, do not practice the basic tenets of Christianity? We take what we want, screw the little guy, bomb other countries and drive poor countries into more debt so that a few assholes here can get even more rich, and yet we still cling to this notion that God is on our side, we are righteous, that we are correct.

Yeah, we’re pretty damn correct when we increase the toxins in our own backyard, affecting our own people. We’re pretty damn compassionate when our waste affects the lives of our neighbors.

Don’t get me started.

There is no dialogue on God. Okay, so if God is a white man with a beard on a throne, then fuck god. That’s right… fuck god.

I don’t know if anyone in my family will read this… being as they are all pretty damn “religious” (funny how the bible belt believes that only their particular sect of christianity is a religion and everything else is mythology).

If I’m excommunicated… then so be it. I shall not bow my head to false prayers and false gods. The God that I know is larger and more beautiful than the petty, selfish, whiny, bitch of a god that they sing about in “that old time religion”.

Howl goes the coyote. That’s right. Let us smear shit on the doors of churches and hold our sermons in porn shops! Let us pray for thanks to the wonders of the wonderful and glorious pussy! And how grand it is to have a cock to put in there!

Sacred is as sacred does, and all the world’s a hippocrite. Let us fuck each other ten ways till Sunday… and maybe then we’ll have a better reason to rest!

When coyote doesn’t come out for a while, he gets some pent up howling it would seem.


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