I am sorry my friend. I am sorry that I wasn’t the rock you needed to anchor yourself on to help get better. You rid yourself of many demons, meth chief among them, but you struggled with more. I didn’t understand your comments about love for if you love someone, and I truly loved you, then you do whatever it takes to make it through. Everything else in life is petty compared to that love. And in this respect I failed you. I was not strong enough. I am sorry.
Published by Eddie
I was born in Arkansas and graduated high school in Mississippi. I joined the Marine Corps in 1989 and travelled the world for the next five years. From 1994 until 2004 I lived in California, Arkansas, Texas, and Oregon, going to different colleges (UAM, UH, UO, PSU) trying to 'follow my bliss' and live a life. In 2004 I joined the Oregon National Guard and deployed to Iraq. I recently completed two degrees (psychology and philosophy) at Portland State. I currently work as an infantry instructor, a cofacilitator with a domestic violence group, and a military culture consultant with a psychology research department. I intend to go to grad school and further my psychology training. My interests are of what makes a life worth living, what makes people flourish, what gives us hope after trauma, how do we continue to go on instead of giving up, how do we build good relationships, how do we 'live'? These have been central questions of my own for decades. My interests are what seem to be as diverse as ecology and environmentalism (politics, ethics, biology) to gender studies (masculinity, gender roles, schemas and scripts) to trauma and resilience (PTSD, depression, anxiety, anger issues, domestic violence). Yet I would argue that they are not diverse but really interconnected, related and influential to each other. My writings here are usually as it comes to me. Here and there are a paper that I turned in to a class or the like. But for the most part these are my wrestling with ideas and emotions. As such there are contradictions and changes and failings as well as insights and triumphs. View all posts by Eddie