whoah

Last night we got a late hit in the bar and I wasn’t able to get out as soon as I’d like.  But I eventually got out of the bar and got home, fed the cats, and changed into some clothes.   I grabbed some tea lights and some incense and took off for a spot that I’ve been to once before for a Full Moon observance.  It isn’t the full moon really, but close.  The spot is NW of Portland on the side of a ridge, and offers enough wildness to it for me when I am in the  mood for such.  It took me about 20 minutes to get there.

When I got there I gathered my stuff and went down the trail.   I realized that I had not brought a flashlight, it was still in the truck.  I decided not to turn back forit.  As I moved along the silver beams of the moon I ame to the edge of the forest.  I stopped.  It was pitch black within.  I stood on the edge of the forest for several minutes.  I’ve walked in forests at night before… what gives?  There were no concerns of snakes or such this time… it was something else.  The wind whipped the trees around me, blowing through the limbs of the evergreens with a whooooooshing sound.  The dry limbs of other trees knocked every now and then.  I entered the forest.  It was so dark I could barely see my hand in front of me and could not see the ground at all.  I would walk a bit and then stop… walk a bit and stop.  I imagined all manner of hideous shapes in the dark, some coming at me, some lieing in wait for me, some watching me.  Disformed, disfigured, ugly shapes.  It was odd.  I was not entering the wood as a predator myself (as times past as a soldier on patrol or whatever) but humbly so.  The attitude of openness allowed the shapes to come at me in the dark.

The shapes in the dark were me… I knew they weren’t in the forest… they were inside of me and they were scary.  I turned and walked back to the truck.  As I left the forest I left the dark shapes behind.  Apparently there are things in me that I need to deal with, complexes and so forth.  Perhaps some research and readings in preparation for the upcoming New Moon.  Granted, a New Moon will be much darker than the Full Moon.  But sometimes it is easier to see in the dark when the moon is gone.  The meaning in this?  Sometimes it is easier to see our flaws and understand them if we do not hold them up against grand ideas and platitudes.

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