For every Bear dwelling within a person, there is also a Salmon. For every Wolf, there is a Rabbit hiding in a spirit hole. For every Mouse, there is a Snake and for every Snake, there is an Eagle. Within humans, there exists strength and weakness, aggressiveness and submissiveness, good and evil, predator and prey. Some of the ‘darker things’ that many Pagans sometimes feel creeping up on them-that side of us that we often call the ‘Shadow Self’- may be nothing more than our own unacknowledged opposing-yet-complimentary predator or prey animal. Many a shamanic Pagan who embraces a ‘Bear’ or a ‘Wolf’ totem may find that the ‘Rabbit’ within is apt to give them a good psychic ‘kick in the gut’ bout of insecurity or illness now and again just to remind them that they are there. Many a ‘Hummingbird Gazelle Girl’ may find that there is indeed a raging ‘Lion’ of anger or frustration nipping at her spiritual heels for some attention. Likewise many a ‘Tiger’ has snarled his/her challenge to a Fluffy Bunny only to discover (much to his/her shock and surprise) that little old ‘Buns’ really has the alter ego (and alternative totem animal) of a ‘Kodiak Grizzly Bear’. Oops! THAT’S gotta hurt!
Tonight is the New Moon and I want to go to the forest after work. The last time I went, the recent Full Moon, I felt a barage of shadows from within. I was projecting these out into the night around me. I left that night… but this time I go to seek them out. The last time I was out for peace and balance… this time I am going out to find the shadow.
Hmm… two different attitudes… maybe this isn’t the way. I recall something I said before, seeking balance. I recall sitting in the truck recently and ready to put the keys in and turning over the engine. I had a place to go to, a person to see, and loads of internal emotional confusion. I found within me desires for different outcomes, fears of different outcomes, and both of these two poles were forcing their way onto my cognitive thinking on the bearing of the day, my attitude, my relationship with others, and so on. I sat in the truck, put my hands together in something similar to a yoga meditation (or it could be prayer… I don’t make a distinction for myself for there is a reverence that is akin to prayer that is the same as meditation) and I asked for ‘right action’.
Right action… requires something other than a desire for or a fear of something. It requires, at least for me it does, a real centered and grounding. Perhaps tonight I should try to remember this and accept, move with, understand the positives, the negatives, and the ‘others’ that are a mixture of both or neither.