Thor will smash your face in


I belong to a variety of groups on the interwebs. Most of them I lurk because I like to see various opinions of people on things. Sometimes, however, I cannot let something go by.

In a Wiccan group recently someone posted a question if Mr Rodgers (of the tv show fame) could lift Mjölnir. It was answered by someone who said that yes, he could, but more likely that Thor would humbly walk over and hand it to him and receive a lecture from Mr Rodgers how a hammer is actually a tool for building things. And so on. I just summarized a paragraph of bullshit.

Now if we are talking the comic book, sure I buy into this. Because in the comics the Asgardian ‘gods’ aren’t gods so much as they are beings from another planet. You can get there via spaceship. There is as much connection between the Aesir of the comic books as there is real lemon and lime in a Sprite.

But this was a Wiccan group. Wiccans are pagans (well, one can be a christian one, but they are quite rare). So while I said that if we are talking comic book version, sure, Thor would hand his hammer over to him and so on. But if we were talking mythology, then there is nothing similar between the two. You are out of your damn mind if you think Thor would hand Mr Rodgers his hammer. And no, Mr Rodgers was never in the military, wasn’t a Navy S.E.A.L. or a Marine sniper in Vietnam. He was a minister who was good with puppets. He didn’t drink. He didn’t smoke. He was soft spoken. And he was devoted to children. Do I think he is a pretty cool guy? Yup. I dig him. I’m not sure I could handle working on his show. Need more metal in my life. But I absolutely applaud what he’s done for kids. Fucking Bravo, dude!

But Thor is not that. Thor is brash. He has a temper that will flare up instantly (like lightning) and he will smash you, your brother, your sister, your family, your dog, in the face and then level your house. He is the big bruiser who doesn’t think about the if’s and what’s and why’s, but how do you get to it and fuck it up. Thor is a Marine. In the Marines, it is said that Offensive Operations is what we are about and that consists of the three F’s. Find it. Fix it. And fuck it up. I expect Wiccans to know their gods better and to not let the notions of comic book dilute the idea of Thor. Then again, many Wiccans are fluffy bunnies.

Thor, with his burly red beard (yup, he’s not a blonde) and scowl, would be the guy that is drinking a lot in the lodge. He’s likely arm wrestling someone, or multiple someones, and is the guy that is overhead pressing a pretty gal to show off his muscles. He doesn’t think a lot but instead is simple in his pleasures. A good hearth. Good food. Good company. Good competition. Good sex. What’s his is his. What’s yours is yours. Don’t start nothing, there won’t be nothing. He is big. He is loud. He can be impatient. He eats a lot.

It is become increasingly popular to disparage masculine traits. I’m putting thoughts together regarding the toxic masculinity idea. I once subscribed to it but now I do not. Instead of a toxic aspect, I subscribe to an imbalanced or one-sided aspect. This fits better with my understanding of virtues (heavily influenced by Aristotle). Some people these days don’t want a Thor around them. They want a different, gentler man. They want soft-spoken men. They want men who defer to others. They want someone not like a Thor. Mr Rodgers is the perfect example of this. He has puppets. He is soft-spoken. He talks about feelings. He is consoling. He never shows anger. He is always loving. He is safe. He is what many wish that men would be.1

Until you find yourself facing danger and you need someone to protect you. Then you don’t want a cardigan-wearing minister who doesn’t swear. You want a pissed of Heathen from the North who loves to fight as much as he loves to fuck or feast. With danger licking its lips in anticipating of eating your face, and Mr Rodgers wanting to talk, Thor cracks his knuckles and wades in with a howl of pure glee. BRING. IT. ON. MOTHERFUCKER! When Hans Gruber is threatening to blow up Nakatomi Plaza, do you want Mr Rodgers to go in with a hand puppet? Or do you want Thor to go in with a hammer and fuck shit up?

Thor was the muscle of Asgard. When the gods needed their bouncer to come and trounce a troublesome giant, they looked to Thor. You need security. Basic needs. Before you do anything, you establish your patrol base, 360 security, and ensure your weapons are all faced out. Only then can you go to sleep (actually, after planning, maintenance, comms, R and S, egress routes, etc…). Before you can have arts and literature and other benefits of culture, you need safety.

So raise your horns and drink a toast to Thor!


  1. Or say that they do. It has been my own anecdotal experience that every single woman I’ve been with that said she wanted a softer male, wanted the opposite. Somewhere I read a psychology article that dared to challenge that women wanted nice guys (not jerks, but soft-spoken guys like above) and it basically said that they found the opposite. They prefer strong, dominant men. I can’t find the article, so I’m unsure of how they got the data and the actual numbers. 
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One thought on “Thor will smash your face in

  1. Yes! I’m a woman & a Psychologist, and have been told via research, theory, well-meaning friends and family, that a cardigan-wearing minister would be the best partner for me. Well then, why is it that every partner I’ve ever had is either in Law Enforcement, the Fire Department or Military? I do not consciously seek this out, but is what I believe I’m biologically and psychologically attracted to. What is wrong with enjoying a sense of safety, protection, and testosterone? As long as there is no sense of abuse, perhaps we need to re-write our narratives of what is “acceptable” masculinity. Thanks Eddie!

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