Always Ready. Always There.

When I was an active duty Marine in the early nineties, I would look down upon the reserves. They weren’t real military. They were weekend warriors. They were nasty civilians that couldn’t hack the military and every once in a while they put on BDU’s and pretend to be soldiers. A year after I left […]

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why

Tonight I fell, again, into depression. It has been happening a lot lately. This year has been rough. This afternoon I laid on my couch for I don’t know how long. Minutes? Hours? The tv was off. The lights were dim. And I stared into space. I am without energy. I have wondered, all night, […]

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Who Dares, Wins

Today was a day. I’ve tried keeping a friendship with my ex. I’ve sent a few articles for her perusal. Today I sent an article about the story of Freya and the Brisingamen necklace. Part of me is bothered by Freya allowing herself to be touched, abused, by the dwarfs. I know there are deeper […]

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Fate

I’m on a plane and we are landing in Portland soon. We’ve started to descend from the calmer layer of air and through slightly rougher air. I’m listening to music and feeling the movement of the plane underneath me. I’m struck with the notion of acceleration and how a body in rest or motion will […]

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sometimes

Almost ten years ago, damn… has it been that long… my therapist told me that that I was ‘good being alone’. I smiled. She was right. I am good at being alone. I’ve learned to like myself, for the most part, and I have many interests that catch my attention and time. I find joy […]

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Three runes

Where to begin? The interplay between actions, events, memories, present and future, past and present, between perceptions and memories, fears and logic. One cannot every think in pure reason in matters of personal dealings. Perhaps a sage, but who among us are sages? Even the great stoics often remarked that they were not sages, but […]

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she’s gone

Have you ever walked down stairs? For people in good health and mobility, stairs are easy. We walk up and down them all the time. No problem. You only become aware of how much work goes into them when you are recovering from an illness, have an injury, or perhaps finished an intense session of […]

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What do you stand for?

I deployed with the Marines in Desert Storm, and with the Oregon Army National Guard in 2004. Today I train and work with veterans. A common image that I see on patches, hats, and so forth is an “infidel”. This is a response to the supposed jihadists in the two countries we’ve fought in recently, […]

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Into the woods

I drove to a state forest that I frequent. I needed to think. It had been an emotional weekend for me, some ups and downs, and the night before had been particularly long as I drove back to Oregon. We had broken up and then mended back together. It was my fault. I had been […]

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Cowardice

I’ve been lying on the couch, weeping my guts out. I am torn into pieces. Images of my life has been moving past my eyes and I’ve felt I’ve done nothing. I hurt. I curl into a ball from the blows. I cry. I get up and walk to my bag, pull out the .357 […]

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