I almost beat someone up today

It is a beautiful day today. Especially driving down River Road in Salem. Sunny. 70’s. Top down on the Mustang. Nightwish playing on the radio. Life is pretty good. I decide to stop at a convenience store to get some protein before going to CrossFit in an hour. I’m a bit dehydrated and low on […]

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Stoic Throat Punches

Because much of the time the expression of anger would be out of proportion to the situation. So many of the men would simply suppress the energy. Like holding onto an internal explosion. I remember telling my therapist that I often felt like a million pieces that wanted to fly apart, held together with old Scotch tape. This dichotomy of holding it in, or exploding out, creates a curious energy as the act of not doing anything adds to the fuel of anger in his thoughts. For the thoughts associated with the anger are often righteous in their tone. And it does not take much to be convinced that holding back isn’t worth it. In a battle of wills, righteousness will often win out over fear. In this heated internal world of thought I’ve injected Stoic thought into the mix.

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Running on Faith

Running at night helps my mind not see the distant trees. I know I’m running 7 miles, so why does it matter about the trees in the distance and how long I’ve staring at them worrying about how slow I’m going? Thoughts, like gear, also can fit into the mission essential, useful, or stupid categories. If I am focusing only on the process, after having committed to the plan of running a 7 mile strip of land, then I don’t need to worry about anything else. Just run. And that is each step. Each step, running in the fog at night, is a chance to make that step a good one. CrossFit has the same approach with make each rep count. They don’t mean to make each rep a PR. But instead to make each rep as good of a technique as you can. CrossFit is about functional fitness, not lifting weights. Functional fitness is about living life well. If you scale workouts to where your level is so that each rep is something you do well, focus on form not result, process not product, then you’ll get stronger. The weights change, but the approach doesn’t. The distances of a run change, a 4 mile run used to be my long run, but the process doesn’t. Battles and wars change, but the soldiers don’t.

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Light the Fire

It was time for Faerieworlds again. I look forward to this every year. In 2015 I was at a peak. It had been a good year. I’d gone to see Shakespeare. Been to the Oregon Country Fair. Seen Yngwie Malmsteen in concert. Was dating around with some beautiful women (both inside and out). I was […]

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Going Down

It is the weekend and my day is filled with books, coffee, and incense. I put on some good music and sat in front of my altar for a while. On my altar sit a variety of things. It is less a geometric space akin to a physical mandala as some altars are, but more […]

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Niflheim

I went on a hike a few weeks ago. It was a bright, crisp day, and the colors of Spring were vibrant. I felt energized just by being outside in the forest. The trails, cutting through the trees, were clear and contrasted with the surrounding rushes and grasses. While I was free to go in […]

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Wolf Dream

It was a couple of nights ago, perhaps a week. But I had a dream early in the morning where I went into a deep forest. It was twilight, not fully night or day. I’m uncertain if it was dawn, or dusk, or perhaps actually midday and the depth of the wood made it dark, […]

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why

Tonight I fell, again, into depression. It has been happening a lot lately. This year has been rough. This afternoon I laid on my couch for I don’t know how long. Minutes? Hours? The tv was off. The lights were dim. And I stared into space. I am without energy. I have wondered, all night, […]

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Sowilo

Yesterday’s emotion was a surprise. It also came on at the same time that I fell sick with a cold, no doubt from entering into this motel room where I’ve been for two days. Last night I thought I would drown in my own fluids. Before I went to bed, however, I drew a single […]

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