Because much of the time the expression of anger would be out of proportion to the situation. So many of the men would simply suppress the energy. Like holding onto an internal explosion. I remember telling my therapist that I often felt like a million pieces that wanted to fly apart, held together with old Scotch tape. This dichotomy of holding it in, or exploding out, creates a curious energy as the act of not doing anything adds to the fuel of anger in his thoughts. For the thoughts associated with the anger are often righteous in their tone. And it does not take much to be convinced that holding back isn’t worth it. In a battle of wills, righteousness will often win out over fear. In this heated internal world of thought I’ve injected Stoic thought into the mix.Read More Stoic Throat Punches
Between eight and ten years ago I regularly went to therapy. I was struggling with two major forces at the time. The first was that my sense of normal, the horizon of my moral landscape, was still that of someone on a deployment. This is to say that in this context there is a survive […]Read More … or should I get a cup of coffee?
It is the weekend and my day is filled with books, coffee, and incense. I put on some good music and sat in front of my altar for a while. On my altar sit a variety of things. It is less a geometric space akin to a physical mandala as some altars are, but more […]Read More Going Down
Yesterday’s emotion was a surprise. It also came on at the same time that I fell sick with a cold, no doubt from entering into this motel room where I’ve been for two days. Last night I thought I would drown in my own fluids. Before I went to bed, however, I drew a single […]Read More Sowilo
I have been given exactly what I wanted… days with nothing to do. I have bookshelves filled to overflowing with various books. They are in no particular order (philosophy is in that general direction, poetry is over there… except for Graves, who’s over there with introspective writing with Thoreau, who is nearby environmental writings…). And […]Read More The Hanged Man
I want to love. I want to have a love where I can share the totality of my being with another person and for them to see me, and I to see them. I want them to actively bring out the best within me, pushing me and angering me when necessary, but always loving me. I want to be the sort to do that in return.Read More Losing my self
I hear a couple of you struggle with jealousy and view it as proof that you are inferior or not as developed as the enlightened. I wanted to say, with respect to everyone in the room, that you are not underdeveloped. You are feeling jealousy for different reasons, each of your heart’s are telling you something important, something you need. Instead of viewing your jealousy as something with distaste, honor it, cherish it, welcome it into your dialogue with yourself and with your partner. What does it say? Jealousy is often called an immature emotion coming from someone with a poor sense of self-esteem. What if jealousy was something else, something protective, that was always looking out for your deepest wants? What are those wants? Only in honoring jealousy can we fully enter into that discussion and free ourselves to experience what we truly need. It is here that we become ourselves and not mirrors of our fears. It is here that we learn love.Read More It is okay
I started running marathons when I was 39. Before then I rarely ran, if ever. I did a marathon because it was on my bucket list of things to do. I’ve logged a lot of miles over the years and really started to hit my stride in the last 2 years. Oddly, it wasn’t until […]Read More Running in a what?
Back to the alien battle. I now looked at the humans in the star fighters attacking the aliens. The aliens were supposedly advanced species from outer space without emotion. Why would humans have an advantage in logic vs logic thinking? Our tactics would likely be infantile to theirs. Randomness, I believe, doesn’t truly exist. Chaos theory shows order out of randomness while it also shows the limits of knowledge. Just because we continue to push the boundaries of the unknown does’t mean there aren’t rules outside the light of measurement, rules that influence actions within.Read More Dreams of fleas, fighting aliens, and Dexter (the usefulness of emotions)
Granted this is written in 2001, prior to so many things happening in psychology and military deployment. I am hopeful that I will be accepted into a graduate program where I can again obtain access to research articles and see what new developments have occurred. But in the meantime, what struck me the most in this article is the influence of Contextual Experience. “The results revealed that soldiers who reported little contextual experience reported fewer benefits of the deployment”.Read More Meaning in military deployment