Resonate

Back in the 90’s I was stationed in Tennessee for a few months where I was learning the basics of aircraft electrical systems. We had four-man rooms and every floor had a communal “head”, aka, a bathroom. There were toilet stalls on one side, sinks and mirrors on the other, and a large open room […]

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Stoic Throat Punches

Because much of the time the expression of anger would be out of proportion to the situation. So many of the men would simply suppress the energy. Like holding onto an internal explosion. I remember telling my therapist that I often felt like a million pieces that wanted to fly apart, held together with old Scotch tape. This dichotomy of holding it in, or exploding out, creates a curious energy as the act of not doing anything adds to the fuel of anger in his thoughts. For the thoughts associated with the anger are often righteous in their tone. And it does not take much to be convinced that holding back isn’t worth it. In a battle of wills, righteousness will often win out over fear. In this heated internal world of thought I’ve injected Stoic thought into the mix.

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Going Down

It is the weekend and my day is filled with books, coffee, and incense. I put on some good music and sat in front of my altar for a while. On my altar sit a variety of things. It is less a geometric space akin to a physical mandala as some altars are, but more […]

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Sowilo

Yesterday’s emotion was a surprise. It also came on at the same time that I fell sick with a cold, no doubt from entering into this motel room where I’ve been for two days. Last night I thought I would drown in my own fluids. Before I went to bed, however, I drew a single […]

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The Hanged Man

I have been given exactly what I wanted… days with nothing to do. I have bookshelves filled to overflowing with various books. They are in no particular order (philosophy is in that general direction, poetry is over there… except for Graves, who’s over there with introspective writing with Thoreau, who is nearby environmental writings…). And […]

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Losing my self   

I want to love. I want to have a love where I can share the totality of my being with another person and for them to see me, and I to see them. I want them to actively bring out the best within me, pushing me and angering me when necessary, but always loving me. I want to be the sort to do that in return.

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It is okay

I hear a couple of you struggle with jealousy and view it as proof that you are inferior or not as developed as the enlightened. I wanted to say, with respect to everyone in the room, that you are not underdeveloped. You are feeling jealousy for different reasons, each of your heart’s are telling you something important, something you need. Instead of viewing your jealousy as something with distaste, honor it, cherish it, welcome it into your dialogue with yourself and with your partner. What does it say? Jealousy is often called an immature emotion coming from someone with a poor sense of self-esteem. What if jealousy was something else, something protective, that was always looking out for your deepest wants? What are those wants? Only in honoring jealousy can we fully enter into that discussion and free ourselves to experience what we truly need. It is here that we become ourselves and not mirrors of our fears. It is here that we learn love.

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